36 days on American soil and I am afraid I have some rather distressing news- I am still a complete British stereotype. I have yet to find a quality cup of tea, the roads terrify me beyond belief, I failed to fully comprehend the Super Bowl and the bacon... I can't even bring myself to discuss the bacon right now. No exaggeration is occurring when I say that having paper cuts on your eyelids would be a barrel of laughs compared to consuming American bacon; I apologise for being so graphic but my love affair with bacon is strong and I feel that America might be sabotaging this beautiful romance. See, I said that I didn't even want to discuss the bacon and look what happened- SORT YOUR BACON OUT AMERICA.
Now that the bacon breakdown is out of the way it should be plain sailing... or in this country perhaps plain driving is a more appropriate expression. Cars, everywhere. Behemoth roads with behemoth cars driven by... behemoth people? No I didn't say that, I take it back. The main reason for retracting that statement is because I would now describe myself as a behemoth person. Seriously America stop offering me burgers and ridiculous Mexican food! I am weak and temptation lies on every corner. Literally. Corners. No roundabouts. Corners and spontaneous STOP signs everywhere. Who thought of this and why hasn't anybody told America about roundabouts? The mind boggles.
We were looking for Florida State Fair...
So we have established that the bacon distresses me and the lack of roundabouts bemuses me. What else? Ahh yes...Walmart. This place scares me more than the quality of the driving here in Florida (seriously you would think that operating several electronic devices while driving is some sort of enforced rule here). Sigh. Walmart is one giant trap. A giant trap with things to spend money on. A trap so enormous and confusing that you venture in as a 22 year old musician looking for bread and emerge as a 25 year old retail analyst that just picked up 5 plasma televisions for $9.99. America, what did you do to me? Career changes induced by Walmart aside...
The band and our unofficial band wagon - the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile! We can only dream... The word on the street is that the Wienermobile is an amphibious hotdog- we remain sceptical. Who why what how when where, huh? We are here in Florida to rehearse with the entire production team before floating around the world on a cruise ship for 8 months playing music by night and exploring the world by day! Watch out Alaska, we are coming for you...
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